this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
