____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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