he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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