dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.