i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
