Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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