I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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