I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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