he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
