I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize