this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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