I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My dick has a subreddit
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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