he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
