Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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