people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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