Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My dick has a subreddit
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
