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• (510): View more from California

  i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me

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  These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.

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• (530): View more from California

  Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking

  (530): View more from California

  That could use a little rephrasing

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones

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• (925): View more from California

  also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.

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  The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable

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• (954): View more from Florida

  You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?

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