i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.