Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"