Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...