They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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