i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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