evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
whose parrot is this?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
