Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
