OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
