we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
