why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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