Small penises have feelings too.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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