Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
