You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
