Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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