just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
