just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize