just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
