Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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