Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
