Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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