I think scott just propositioned me for sex
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
