i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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