I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
