Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
