He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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