i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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