He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
