i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
