I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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