My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
