i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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