She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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