While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
