apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
