Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dick very happy bro
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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