I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
