I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
