2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
