the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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