so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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