I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
