Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
