haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize