I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
