things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
