Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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