those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
