i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
