I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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