woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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