did you get engaged???
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
