the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i think im in europe. pls send help
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
