Kiss
Puke
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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