My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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