Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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