Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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