went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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