I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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